Have you ever felt like this? Resentful, burned-out, taken, or taken advantage of. Like you have given your all in a relationship or other circumstance and found yourself let down, disappointed, or drained when your expectations hadn’t been met or the energy you invested seemed all for nothing. One reason why this may happen can be because you have a lack of personal boundaries.
To understand why you may have a lack of personal boundaries, you would first need to understand what personal boundaries are because until you do, you may think I am feeding you a line. Once you understand why a lack of personal boundaries can be one of the reasons why you may have feelings of stress or overwhelm.
Boundaries are the limits you set with yourself, as well as others regarding what you are willing to tolerate when it comes to what is acceptable vs unacceptable behavior in your eyes. They are important because they impact your self image… how you mentally see yourself. Personal boundaries are directly tied to your pride, confidence, and value in this world. They are the key if you want to live a more peaceful and emotionally stable life.
If you don’t have healthy boundaries, you may notice some of the following signs:
Feeling like a victim in life
Expecting others to help you
Feeling dumped on
Not speaking up for yourself
Trouble with saying no
Creating drama or being “extra” for attention
Participating in inauthentic relationships
Feeling guilty when you assert yourself… and more.
Compare that with what healthy boundaries do look like:
Moving in touch with reality
Living in your truth
Healthy relationships with yourself and others
Living a stable life where you feel more in control
Decreased stress
Increased efficiency
Increased effectiveness… and more
Now that you understand a little more about healthy boundaries, if you are finding yourself identifying with now having the personal boundaries in your life that you desire to have, here is an exercise that I like to share in order for you to identify the issue fast and then move quickly into thinking about solving the problem creating the issue.
The Life Inventory Exercise
Take a piece of paper and divide it into 5 categories: Work, Finances, Personal, Relationships, and Family.
For each category, reflect and journal upon how happy you are (or aren’t) in each category.
Now, here is the simple kicker… for the areas that you may not be as happy in, ask yourself, “Do I have personal boundaries set up in this area?” And also ask, “Do I honor them?”
The reason why this simple but effective exercise is impactful because it helps you recognize that those same areas that may be challenging in your life may be the same ones in which you have a lack of personal boundaries. Knowledge is power. And the first step you take towards awareness is the step that moves you closer to living life intentionally and consciously.
I also have two other exercises that you can do. First, often times you may find yourself depleted, drained, and taken advantage of is because you don’t often speak up when you fill that you may be in a violating situation. In that instance I like to have clients practice this very important statement. When you get to the point that you are able to say these statements aloud to the person that may have violated you, it opens up a space for clear communication, it allows them to learn more about you and what you need so that they can meet you where you are in the moment, and it allows you to own part of the interaction. The statements are as follows:
I feel ____ when ____ because ____. What I need is ___.
Secondly, you can start to recognize that saying “No” is a complete sentence. I recognize that it may be too soon to expect you to feel comfortable saying no when you are initially on your journey to create more healthy boundaries, however, you can also say “I’ll get back to you.” This simple statement gives you breathing room and space so that you don’t commit to things you really don’t want to do, leaving you resentful and overcommitted to things that don’t feed your soul.
Lastly, because I do understand that trying to move past poor boundaries into a space of adopting more healthy boundaries may be hard for you, I often recommend that you seek support because some of the underlying causes for this are connected to cultural upbring, personality, and more—these things may be difficult to break. I would like to leave you with a free gift full of tips and tricks to create a more positive, personal boundaries for yourself. You can get that by going here ……..
Yashica is a spiritual consultant and life coach that works with driven and motivated women. She helps women that want to work on their inner connection to themselves and intuition (through spiritual and practical modalities) in order to lead a more inspired, authentic, successful life. You can learn more about her here at www.yashicasintuition.com